Case studyI Became Pregnant From My FatherI pay my respect to Luang Por,
I would like to tell you my story that kept me all choked up for my whole life. It is so defiled and so heavy for me regarding this, that it caused me to be admitted into the hospital because my mind couldn’t handle it. I hope this story will be a good illustration for all people to become afraid of the fruits of kamma. This story is a demonstration of having to take mental suffering very seriously as follows:
When I was a child, I stayed with my parents until I was 9 years old. My father had raped me for the first time. He forced me by keeping a knife near me for intimidation. After that he tried to rape me whenever he got the chance to. He threatened me not to tell anybody otherwise he would kill me. My life felt as if I was falling into hell on earth. Sometimes I would talk with my friends and he would hide near me and would pass a look to me to intimidate me. I was in a constrained state and I couldn’t tell anybody because I was afraid and confused. When I was 15 years old I became pregnant and nobody knew except for him and me. This was because my stomach wasn’t so big. Since that devastation occurred I couldn’t call him “Father” anymore. I had to leave school.
One day a young man who was my neighbor came to say he was in love with me and asked me to marry him. I kept the pregnancy secret for many months. Finally we married and he took me to live in another city. About one month later I delivered the baby. It made him feel ashamed and confused that his wife delivered a baby after only being married to him for one month. Even though he loved me so much, he couldn’t compromise with me so we had to divorce.
At that time I was only sixteen years old. I carried my suffering and my new born baby. His face (my baby’s) was like his father’s (and his grandfather’s also) having the same mole. I felt so bitter because when I saw his face it made me think of the person that I hated the most. In that state I felt like had to kill him for the rest of my life. Finally I ran away from there, although I still loved my baby. Then the baby’s grandfather (father) had taken him in to take care of him. At that time my baby was only 1-2 months old. His grandfather tried to teach him to hate me and tried to teach him all bad things and to speak curse words.
When I was 20 years old, I met another husband. He knew about my story but he didn’t mind. However he loved me so much and we married. He took me to live in another city. I had decided to take my baby to come and live with me. At that time he (my baby) was 5 years old. He met me; he spoke to me with curse words and said “You’re not my mother, why take me here?” or when my husband met him and wanted to carry him, he fought with him and said “You’re not my dad.” My husband and I cried with bitterness.
Sometimes my child had asked me, “Who is my father?” but I couldn’t say. I was really severely depressed then I thought about committing suicide since I started living with my child. I was so regretful that my own child had learned to hate his mother so my husband took me to the
. The doctor told me that this wasn’t the child’s fault and you should up make your mind. I didn’t know how to clean up my mind. I stayed at the hospital for 7 days but I was still depressed. Mental Health Hospital
In truth I had many sufferings in my life and it is difficult to say this to anybody. They come to know it by my writing, but I’m still lucky to have my husband now. He is my true love and is sincere to me. Now I have another child with him and that has helped me to get better in life in another way. The exception is with my first child that happened with my father. It still infuriated me and I always felt like he made a mistake.
Then one day I met our community (Wat Phra Dhammakaya) and when I felt mental strain then I meditated and said, “Samma Araham” immediately. Now I have become cooler than before and I helped my first child have better behavior. When I took him to the temple, he liked to sit and meditate and saw the clear crystal ball inside of himself. He has since been able to speak nicely to me and more importantly he told me that he wanted to become a novice Bhikkhu (Samanera). That was the first light for me.
I then intended to pursue perfections with the Abbot and our community forever in my life.Questions
1. What retribution caused me to receive all of the horrible problems since I was 9 years old with my father and my baby? What kammic retribution affected the 3 of us enough for us to harm each other and what were our relationships in the past?
2. What retribution caused me to not be with my baby at first and then when we met again, why did he hate me, say curse words and then afterwards say he loved me and loved my husband too? Did he tell the truth?3. In the next life, will we face each other like this? How can we solve and protect this situation?4. What retribution caused me to meet my present husband, and what caused him not to mind my situation and actually help my father, my baby and me? How about our relationship in the past?
5. Why did my first child and my second child not get along well together? How can I take care of them in a way that when they grow up they won’t mind each other? May I tell them?
6. My mother had a fight with my father. He used a weapon to harm her and caused her to fall down. She died on the way to the hospital. Where did she go after she died? When my mother knew I became pregnant from my father, she was so anguished. How did I share this kammic retribution with my mother to meet a husband/father like this?
7. I have a younger twin brother. In our childhood my younger brother accidentally made a lamp fall down and burn me. I was seriously injured and the fire burned our small house. What was the kammic retribution that we had done together to cause this? Why doesn’t he love me although I love him so much?
8. I had a close relationship with my grandmother. Where is she after her death?
9. Did I pursue perfections with our community before? Why did I meet with bad circumstances before joining our community? Can I go to the Special Merits Zone (Vong Boon Pisate) in the 4th of level of Heaven (Tusita Heaven)?Luang Phaw's Dream
I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.
When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)1.Many eons in the past life, you were a man of good status but you had a womanizing habit. You liked to tell your henchman to find young girls for you and you wanted to try to have sex with a new young girl for new fun.
- The henchman went to buy the young villager girls to be your servants but finally all the girls had to please you with sex.
- After you died from that life, you went to the third major hell for a very long time. Then you had punishments in the unfortunate realms in the following steps; Ussada hell, purgatory, the hungry ghost level, the monster level and then the animal realm until you became prostitute. And finally you became a solicitor of the prostitutes.
- In that past life when you were a prostitute solicitor, your father in this life was a regular customer and when you would find a young girl then he was the first one to have her service because he was regular customer.
- Later in the last past life, you were stuck between the human realm and the unfortunate realm because you had been in this cycle regularly.
- You liked the virgin girls when you were the man of good status and a womanizer and in the life as the solicitor of prostitutes. You caused the virgin girls to be brought to you for the regular customers to have pleasing sex with, so you had to be reborn as a daughter of a regular customer in this life.
- Your son was the henchman in the past life who found the young girls when you were the man of good status and womanizer.2. The retribution of taking the girls from their parents by fooling them into the prostitute life caused you to not be with your son at first. But the merits that you accrued with our community took action to change your son’s behavior in a more positive way.ี
- Your son told you that he loves his mother and father now and he is telling the truth.
3. Let your son ask forgiveness of his father and you should perform merits for dedication to everybody that you fooled to have pleasing sex with you or to sell sex services with from now on and always. Heavy kammic retribution will become light and if it is light retribution it will dissipate, but you must accumulate merits to overcome this for your whole life.
4. The merits you accrued in the past eon when you were a prostitute and had so much suffering of your body and mind was because you wanted to escape from this status. Then you met our community and came to pursue perfections at that time. You performed the merits with our community secretly and had made a resolution to escape from this career.
- But at that time the kammic retribution was so strong so you were able to come join us for a while and then you strayed away from our group until you met us again in this life. The old merits that you used to accrue with our community caused you to meet a good husband as per your wish and your husband doesn’t mind your past history and he helps you with everything.
5. Your first son and second son do not get along well together because the first son has inferiority. This is because he had a different father, but they didn’t have any retribution together.
- You must try to teach them to love each other. The younger one should be respectful to the older one. You should be reasonable and equally fair to both of them until they feel that their mother loves them both equally and they shouldn’t be prejudiced or jealous of each other.
6.Your mother had met a husband like this because of her remnant that she was solicitor of prostitutes as you were in the past life and took the young girls for service to the customers.
- After she died, her astral body had to stagger along; it was difficult and she was hungry. Your mother and you each had kammic retribution that both of you must face, but you didn’t have any retribution directly with your mother.ู่
- Your twin younger brother was the henchman in the past life when you were the solicitor of prostitutes. He was a hooligan who managed the brothel and used to quarrel for his wages. You didn’t pay him as per your agreement in that life so he is vengeful towards you now.
7. In this life you were born together and there was the cause for accident to make you fall down from the lamp by him until you got seriously injured with a fire to the small house.
- This was because the property had a disaster with the wrongful occupation retribution from the past life, which was earning a living from being a solicitor of prostitutes.
- When the family had broken up, the good feeling was lost from the members of the family.
8. After death, at first your grandmother was a wandering spirit, but now she is a newborn in a poor status as a human because of very little generosity (giving or Dana).
9. You must start your new life by fully pursuing perfections and performing all merits; perform donations (Dana), keep the Precepts (Sila), meditate regularly (Bhavana) and then make a resolution to go to the Special Merits Zone of the 4th level of Heaven (Tusita or Dusit Buree) and forget your faults from the past.