Question:
Venerable Luang Phor, Sir, People like to say that going out to drink
alcohol with friends is a means to strengthen unity and promote
relationships. It is regarded as
promoting friendship. I just wonder if
the friendship amongst drinkers will last long.
Answer
by Venerable Dhattajeevo Bhikku
Dear Benefactor, drinking alcohol is one thing; strengthening
friendship is another thing. They never
go well together; I have no idea why people nowadays are as so thoughtless as
to mix friendship with drunkeness.
Consumption of intoxicants causes various kinds of loss, ranging
from the loss of wealth, consciousness and sense of decency, to undermining
intelligence.
This misconception about drinking alcohol has become acceptable.
In fact it lessens one’s wisdom and leads the drunkards to hell after death.
Whenever one takes intoxicants, he is in fact getting on the route
to hell. It is impossible to find a true
friend in the circle of drunkards. Instead, he is associating with absent-minded people and who are as good
as being fellow travelers to the hell realm.
The bond of friendship can be only initiated and maintained through
sobriety and generosity. The lack of giving breaks all kinds of
relationships i.e. relationships between friends or family members.
Thus, if you want to have a large circle of close friends in your
life, whether they are your contemporaries, you senior or junior, you need to
first establish generosity/charity in yourself towards others around
you. This way you will have true friends even death could not part from you.
Shortages that mankind has been experiencing fall into 4 categories:
1) The lack of wealth.
2) The lack of positive outlook.
3) The lack of know-how (technology and skills).
And 4) The more the success, the less the private
security.
Once you can help replenish the four basic shortages of people you
are in contact with, you can gain their true friendship.
But I must say it is a painstaking
work to fulfill the above needs. People have tendencies to experience shortage
of material things all the time as the result of not sharing or giving enough
in previous lives, However, through open-handedness, the hardship can be
overcome.
The second issue is about the lack confidence when facing
obstacles.
To worst way to undermine people’s confidence is through
condemning and disparaging speech. On
the contrary, the most effective method to boost people’s spirit is nothing
more than cheerful speech. Thus, The
Lord Buddha said one should always speak kindly to each other in order to
cement the bond of friendship.
Moreover, the more we progress,
the more we need know-how to overcome obstacles since the gap between know-how
and its implementations keeps increasing. Therefore, whoever is able to help us with advanced knowledge, we will
appreciate his kindness forever.
The Lord Buddha taught one should
always help others with one’s talent and ability i.e.. To be useful to others.
This means to share know-how.
The last and most serious issue is if one has reached new heights
especially at national or global scale, the less personal security one has,
particularly from social environment and hidden enemies. So whoever can ensure one security would be
treasured. In conclusion, the four forms
of benevolent behavior are:
1) To share what one has with
others.
2) To speak only kind words to
others with encouragement and positive suggestions.
3) To generously share the knowledge and know-how with others.
And 4) To be
consistent.
The Lord Buddha called
the above set of virtues the Four Bases of Sympathy. The more virtuous we are the more true
friends we will have.
