The kalyanamitra Home

Meditation

Meditation for Beginners

 

The kalyanamitra Home

 

 

The word ‘kalyanamitra’ means good friend.

 

The word ‘kalyanamitra’ means good friend. A good friend must have all the Seven Characteristics described previously. The word ‘home’ refers to a household or a family which consists of parents and children as well as relatives and employees if they live in the same residence. Therefore, the word ‘kalyanamitra Home’ means a household in which all of its members have the Seven Characteristics of a good Friend.

 

Positive core values don’t just appear in a person by accident. They need to be cultivated in a person. Thus, a more complete meaning of ‘Kalyanamitra Home’, is a household or family that cultivates positive core values, via the Four Target  Character Traits, the Sixteen Characteristics of the True Friend, and the Seven Characteristics of a Good Friend, in the heart of every household member.

 

Duty of Parents According to the Buddha’s Teaching In order to raise children to be virtuous people, the kind of people the world needs, the Lord Buddha prescribed five duties for parents to practice as their noble disciplines: (1) teach children not to commit wicked actions, (2) teach children to conduct virtuous deeds, (3) provide education,  (4) look for their spouses when appropriate, and (5) give money/asset/property to children when appropriate. From the five duties, the first two are the most important while the last three are not as significant. In today’s  society, many parents perform the last three duties well but fail to perform the first two. Since parents do not teach children the difference between scrupulous and unscrupulous actions, many people in society still behave antisocially and lack the characteristics of a virtuous person. In order to perform the first two duties successfully, parents must possess the Four Target Character Traits themselves and be capable of teaching them to their children. In addition, they must also have good understanding of important Buddhist principles as well as being able to apply these principles in their daily lives. If the parents themselves do not abandon wicked actions and the parents themselves do not abandon wicked actions and practice virtuous deeds, how can they teach the children to be virtuous? It all has to start with the parents.

 

 

Daily discipline for children of all ages should concern the four basic requisites

 

Guidelines on Raising Children

 

To raise children to become valuable members of a society, parents must teach morality to them as proposed in the following guidelines:

 

- Parents must train and cultivate disciplines in children starting when the children are still babies;

 

- Disciplines children need to practice on a regular and continuous basis are disciplines associated with eating, sleeping, getting up and cleanliness;

 

- A person who is to instill a certain discipline in children must have good discipline themselves-otherwise, such training will fail;

 

- Training in discipline should be made sequentially more challenging in accordance with the physical and mental development of the children;

 

- Daily discipline for children of all ages should concern the four basic requisites: food, clothing, shelter and medicine as well as punctuality, cleanliness and manners;

 

- Parents must understand that disciplines instilled in children on a daily basis will develop into good habits. When the children grow up, these good habits will develop into moral discipline and the Right Views.

 

- Moral issues can be taught to children as early as they understand language. Easy things such respecting one’s elders can be taught at an early age. This way, moral discipline will be gradually instilled into children’s hearts.

 

- Parents should take their children along when they going to offer alms to monks or whenever they do charitable or voluntary work to get the children acquainted with to ideas of giving, sharing, charity, and volunteering.

 

- Parents may begin teaching their children about the Four Target Character Traits, the Sixteen Characteristics of the True Friend, and the Seven Characteristics of a Good Friend when the children are still in kindergarten by using actual situations as examples. For instance, when parents give something to the neighbours, they should take the children along to get them acquainted of the practice of generosity. This way, children will gradually learn the culture of virtuous people.

 

 

Parents must train and cultivate disciplines in children starting when the children are still babies

 

- Parents must be aware that all events happen in the family will be imprinted on childrens’ memory for the rest of their lives. If the events are inspiring and creative, they will bring happiness to the children when they think of such events even after they have grown up. Good childhood experiences are a fundamental factor for children to have positive attitudes towards others and the world. On the other hand, if many bad things happen during someone’s childhood, sadness and fear may be imprinted on their minds even if after they become grown-ups. Such bad experiences will stay in their memory and become difficult to forget, causing the children to have bad or destructive attitudes towards others and the world.

 

- Parents should take their children to temples to participate in religious ceremonies or to learn moral principles. This is an important way to cultivate morality to the children.

 

All of the Buddha’s teachings can be summarized into three actions of merit: giving [dana], precepts [sila], and meditation [bhavana].

 

- Those who have the Four Target Character Traits must practice the three actions of merit on a daily basis;

 

- Even kindergarten children can start practicing meditation for a short duration;

 

- Daily meditation will help one to be steadfast in good behaviours and moral principles as well as enabling one to have positive core values;

 

Parents who have moral knowledge can explain the reasons for the practice of the three forms of meritorious action [punnakiriyavatthu] to their children using simple words that are easy to understand. For example, parents may explain to the children the concept of alms offering to monks as a way to support monks since monks are not allowed to work to earn a living. Without the concern of having to work, monks can then devote all their time to study, practice, and educate us with the Buddha’s teachings, Without monks, there would be no moral teachers. The country would be in chaos if everyone is immoral.

 

In order to allow the children to practice all the three forms of meritorious action, especially meditation, on a daily basis, the parents would be best to turn their house into a kalyanamitra Home by organizing neighbourhood spiritual activities there.

 

 

Parents must understand that disciplines instilled in children on a daily basis will develop into good habits.

 

Kalyanamitra Home: Home to a Clear Aim in Life As mentioned at the end of Chapter One, a person who can realize and understand all ten of the positive core values is a person who understands different levels of aim in life. Aims in life can be classified into three levels as follows:

 

1. Exclusively material aim in life: This level of aim in life is to live this life happily by having the Right Livelihood, and being able to support oneself, family, parents, and employees to live happily as well. A person who earns a living unscrupulously by involvement with illegal or immoral practices such as corruption, is a person who has not yet achieved even the exclusively material aim in life. Even though the person may have a successful career, in order to achieve the exclusively material aim in life, one must lead one’s life according to the four guidelines provided by the Buddha: to earn one’s living diligently and scrupulously; taking good care of one’s earnings by scrupulously; taking good care of one’s earnings by preventing it from being damaged or lost; building networks of good Friends by encouraging others to do good things, and; spending in keeping with one’s means – leaving some savings in case of emergency.

 

2. The material/spiritual aim in life: This level of aim in life is to go to heaven after death. In order to achieve this goal, one must accumulate enough of four kinds of merits: Faith [saddha]; self-discipline [sils]; self-sacrifice [caga], and;  wisdom [panna]: for future lives. Before achieving this material/spiritual aim in life, one must first succeed in achieving the exclusively material aim in life;

 

3. The exclusively spiritual aim in life: This level of aim in life is to reach spiritual perfection. It is an aim in life suitable for monks or nuns, who devote their lives to the training of the mind. In general, it is very difficult for common people to achieve this goal, Anyone wishes to obtain such goal must leave all worries behind and join the monkhood in order to able to train one’s mind to be free of all defilements.

 

In brief, a person who has positive core values will have the right understanding of different levels of aim in life and thus will be able to lead their life to achieve such goals.

 

 

To instill the Sixteen Characteristics of the True Friend in their children and all family members

 

The kalyanamitra Home: Objectives

 

In generally, most parents already teach or educate their children on different issues on a regulat basis. However, the children on different issues on a regular basis. However, the recent economic and social crisis worldwide would seem to indicate that the teaching and education provided by the parents have not been effective enough in terms of morality. Some parents may teach wrong moral standards to children while some do not teach any morality at all. In the present society, behaviours of many people can be characterized more as behaviours of False Friends than True Friends. Thus,  mever-ending problems occur in today’s society. All the nondesirable practices in the society are due to the fact that many parents do not practice spiritual teachings piously – thus, they lack the ability to teach moral standards to children.

 

Parents that open their house as a kalyanamitra Home must clearly understand the objectives of a kalyanamitra Home which are as follows:

 

1. To instill the Four Target Character Traits in their children and all family members;

 

2. To instill the Sixteen Characteristics of the True Friend in their children and all family members;

 

3. To instill the Seven Characteristics of a Good Friend in their children and all family members;

 

4. To invite guest and neighbours to participate in the activities organized in order to achieve the first three objectives and in order to build networks of virtuous people.

 

Features of a kalyanamitra Home

 

An important element in a kalyanamitra Home is the ‘Shrine Room’-a room designated for prayer, meditation and moral teaching or study. The significance of the Shrine Room in a house is comparable to the importance of a chapel in a temple.

 

Buddhists would say that an essential accessory in the Shrine Room is a Buddha image, as a symbol to remind one of morality and the teaching of the Buddha. Other religions might adapt this feature to their own preferences. Everything in the Shrine Room must be kept tidy and clean in order to create a good atmosphere for all activities t be held in the room.

 

 

Daily meditation will help one to be steadfast in good behaviours

 

Activities of a kalyanamitra Home

 

Activities held in a kalyanamitra Home can be categorized into two types:

 

1. In-house activities: These are activities that all family members do every day in the Shrine Room such as daily chanting and meditation. Furthermore, in – house activities also include religious activities held inside or in the vicinity of the house such as offering alms to in the vicinity of the house such as offering alms to monks or inviting friends and neighbors to chant or meditate together regularly or as the opportunity arises. If adults in the family chant and meditate together on a regular basis, children in the family will be able to learn and absorb these good practices even though they may still be too young to participate themselves. When they are old enough, they will have the willingness to join in such activities with other family members since they have already been long acquainted with such activities. Ulimately, these in – house activites will become second nature for all family members. There will be no need to force anyone to participate. Besides cultivating positive core values in the children, thers activites also help the grown-ups themselves to keep themselves to moral disciplines.

 

2. Putside activites: Outside activities are activities that are organized outside the home, on various occasions such as religious ceremonies held at a temple or at a friend’s house. Every time the parents participate in activities outside their own home, they should take children along to absorb good practices in moral training and cultivation. Regular participation in activities at a temple such as learning about spiritual teachings and meditation are very beneficial to all family members, particularly to the children. The children will have the chance to learn more about morality from monks in parallel with their parents or other family members. It is a good practice that parents discuss moral principles learned from monks with their children at appropriate times such as during dinner, before or after meditation, in order to check the childrens’ understanding and thoughts as well as emphasizing on important issues. In any case, the level of discussion should be appropriate to the childrens’ age and maturity. Parents should keep in ,mind that an easy but highly effective way to instill morality in children is to be strict on basic manners and practices. Children will gradually develop the good practices into a habit. At the same time, parents should teach moral principles to the children using daily events, news, and stories from books or religious scriptures as topics of discussion and let the children express their opinions. Parents should make sure that the children have the right understanding and views by pointing out important issues and making an appropriate conclusion.

 

Regular participation in all these activities will allow children to be familiarized with moral principles, enabling them to develop a good understanding of moral principles. Consequently, the objectives of the kalyanamitra Home will be met.

 

 

teach children not to commit wicked actions

 

Hindrances to the Operation of a kalyanamitra Home From the previous discussion, it can be seen that converting one’s house into a kalyanamitra Home has considerable benefits to every one in the family as well as to the society as a whole. Parents who can bring a kalyanamitra Home programme to a success are ones that have the Four Target Character Traits, the Sixteen Characteristics of the True Friends, and the Seven Characteristics of a Good Friend. In addition, they must have strong determination to use the activities of the kalyanamitra Home to train their children to become virtuous people.

 

In reality, it may not be so easy for a family to start a kalyanamitra Home but it is not too difficult either! If a couple can successfully set up a kalyanamitra Home, it is mot too difficult to succeed in other aspects of life.

 

Even so, there are several potential obstacles to the operation of a kalyanamitra Home:

 

1. The couple who opens their house as a kalyanamitra Home has not properly availed themselves of the Four Target Character Traits;

 

2. The couple knows insufficient about Buddhist moral principles, not being able to apply them to solve family or daily problems effectively;

 

3. The couple who does not have compatible values concerning life, or compatible levels of self-discipline, or compatible levels of faith may not be successful in carrying out activities of a kalyanamitra Home in the long run. At the beginning, the couple  may be active in organizing various activities. As couple may be active in organizing various activities. As time goes on, they may lose enthusiasm to continue with cativities. As a result, their children will lose faith in spiritual matters;

 

4. The workloads of a husband and wife are another hindrance to punctuality in practicing kalyanamitra activities together, particularly, for couples who have less meditation experience. Meditation helps one to see things clearer and helps straighten one’s thinking, Therefore, it is important for the parents to meditate on a regular basis.

 

5. A household that starts a kalyanamitra Home when children are already in high school may have trouble getting the children to participate in the daily activities.

 

6. Television is a major hindrance in getting everyoune in the household to participate in kalyanamitra activities.

 

7. Older relatives such as grand parents, uncles or aunts living in the household can either hinder or support living in the household can either hinder or support activities depending on their character and fundamental spiritual understanding;

 

8. Teenage members in the household may start to drift away from the family activities even though they have participated in all activities since an early age if they associate with friends who have no spiritual interest. Parents should emphasize on the benefits of activities in the house to keep them intereste.

 

 

teach children to conduct virtuous deeds

 

9. Although all of the Buddhist teachings can be summarized into three meritorious actions: members should study and practice other moral disciplines too, otherwise, they cannot be fully benefit from spiritual practice;

 

10. Children that come from families that have consistently organized kalyanamitra Home activities must families of their own otherwise, all the good results will be bost. There is no guarantee that the second generation will be virtuous if they are not personally trained in moral discipline.

 

In fact, the concept of the kalyanamitra Home is nothing new. The forefathers of Southeast Asia have practiced this kind of activity for centuries. Their lives have been closely associated with Buddhism as seen in many Southeast Asian cultures. The fact that there is a temple in every community indicates that Buddhism has been an essential and focal practice in Asia. Besides being a place for moral training, Buddhist temples, in the past, also acted as a learning centre for all kinds of disciplines. As a result, Buddhist moral principles and Buddhist monks have had strong influences on the values of life and culture, as well as the character of the Asian people. It is well known to the world that the Thai people are smiling and friendly people. The Thai people are also well known for their gentleness, generosity and humility, as well as other good qualities. However, it is sad that such culture is starting to disappear from Asian society since the younger generation have come to favour western culture and lifestyle over their own. The best practice is to accept only the good aspects of culture and lifestyle from othtr parts of the world while maintaining traditions.

 

Kalyanamitra Homes are a very important contribution to moral principles in children, enabling them to become virtuous people, ready to help develop peace on their own country and expand it to the whole workd. Since the kalyanamitra programme may encounter several problems, it is necessary for various parties to cooperate, supporting the programme, sustaining it until successful results are obtained. The parties that will play important supporting roles are schools, educational institutes and monastic institutes. Therefore, there should be a campaign to establish kalyanamitrs Schools and kalyanamitra Tamples.

 

In any case, it should be pointed out that any married couple who hesitate to start a kalyanamitra Home because they don’t want to burden themselves have erroneous understanding of the world, because the Buddha taught that for a person to have success in the present lifetime, one must follow four guidelines: to earn one’s living diligently and scrupulously; taking good care of one’s earnings by preventing it from being damaged or lost; building networks of Good Friends by encouraging others to do go9od things, and; spending in keeping with one’s means. The Buddha gave more importance to ‘building a network of good friends’ than ‘spending within one’s means’ because building a net work of good friends is essential. It makes one’s life easier and happier when one lives among good people. Moreover, one’s children will be better off if they are surrounded by virtuous people. Imagine how difficult it would be for one to live in a community that is full of gangsters and wicked people. It is even more difficult for the children to grow up virtuous in that kind of environment. Therefore, it is more than necessary that every household must follow the principle of the kalyanamitra Home in order to make the community a better place to live.

 

 

Parents should take their children to temples to participate in religious ceremonies or to learn moral principles.

 

Networks of kalyanamitra Homes

 

The goal of turning one’s house into a kalyanamitra house is to instill moral principles into every member of the household. If every person in every household in a community has high moral standards, then the community will consist of only virtuous people. That is the precursor of peace in that society.

 

For this reason, a household that is already successful in making its house a kaluanamitra Home should have a vision in building networks of kalyanamitra Home should have a vision in building networks of kalyanamitra Homes by neighbours. Building networks of kalyanamitra Homes in a form of building networks of virtuous people.

 

To start with, one should invite friends and neighbours one is familiar with, to join the activities at one’s house at their convenience, On a special occasion such as when a monk is invited to teach at one’s house, one should also invite other guests to join. When the guests see the benefits of moral training themselves, they will start to practice moral principles at their own houses as well as talk others into practicing virtue. Ultimately, they will want to open their own house as a kalyanamitra Home too. In this way, the kalyanamitra Home programme will expand to a wider public.

Community members may organize kalyanamitra activities at their own houses or ask the neighbours to participate in activities held at other neighbour’s houses. By doing this, community members will get to know each other better. They will have more opportunity to exchange views and opinions about moral issues as well as to help one another on various problems, resulting in a strong level of understanding among community members.

 

Furthermore, community members may work together in order to eradicate endemic social problems such as drug-abuse or gangsters. In certain cases, they may be able to help teenagers or even adults who have made unintentional mistakes in their lives to re-establish themselves in virtue.

 

At this point, it is worthwhile to have a discussion on networks of virtue and networks of corruption. We all hate dishonest people. Whenever these people do wicked things, they must either act in secrecy or very quickly go underground to avoid being caught or identified. Although they cannot keep a high profile, many of these wicked people do their jobs in networks. They have networks of their own Wicked people. On the contrary, virtuous people can practice moral principles and perform virtuous deeds openly without having to hide themselves or to be shameful. Thus, it is a mystery why virtuous people are still hesitant about building networks of good people, which can be achieved by building networks of kalyanamitra Homes. We all should keep reminding ourselves that the more further networks of kalyanamitra Homes spread, the larger number ofvirtuous people there will be in our society.

 

 

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