My Father Was 40 Years Older Than My Mother

My mother was born into a poor family. She was always at the top or second in her class. However, she had to quit 4th grade to earn a living. She got married with my father who was 40 years older than her. What was my mother’s kamma? Why can’t my mother meditate? And, why does she often see terrible visions? DMC has the answers.

Dhamma Articles > Case studies
[ Dec 21st, 2004 ] - [ read : 16244 ]
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Case study
My Father Was 40 Years Older Than My Mother

Dear most Venerable Luang Phaw,

My father was a sheriff. He was born into the family of a Baron. He was a man of higher education, and had been blessed with all privileges and treasures. That included a tobacco factory, thousands of acres of land and many other businesses. Most importantly, he was very handsome and was a womaniser. That was why he was so promiscuous. My father married his first wife and had 5 children. His first wife was very cruel as sometimes she ordered the killing of people who were against her.  My father later filed for a divorce and gave all his properties to his first wife because of the fear that she wouldn’t agree to divorce him.

Later my father met my mother who was his last wife. They fell in love while my mother was working as his mother ’s caretaker. At the time my father was already 65 years old, and my mother was only 26 years old. So my father was 40 years older than my mother. Then my father asked for permission to marry her from my grandmother. My grandmother agreed since she thought my father was from a wealthy family. Although there were many men that liked my mother, she didn’t like any of them and never wanted to get married. Since my grandmother said she didn’t want my mother to be alone she had to marry my father and live with him.
They had my sister and myself who were raised only on my father’s pension. They earned a living solely by giving small loans because my father had given all of his fortune to his first wife. My father didn’t like to perform merits in Buddhism. He didn’t respect Bhikkhus in our neighborhood. But he gave us money to accrue merits and never prohibited anyone from doing so.

My father was kind and liked to help people. When he was 84 years old, he started to become sick. He died from a heart attack in my mother’s lap. While he was very sick, he said he saw something crawling all over the house but no one could see anything.

After my father died on that day, dogs barked from the street to our home. It was like that for many days. I often heard noises as if someone was walking in the house and banging on the door loudly from around 8-10 pm.  My mother would tell us to bow at father’s cinerary (cremation) urn and often those noises would disappear.

My mother was born into a poor family. My grandmother had 8 children. They barely had anything to eat. Sometimes they had to eat rice mixed with lard or an egg for 8 children.

Since my grandfather was a womaniser, there wasn’t any money left for the family. My grandmother had to raise her children on her own. My mother was always at the top or second in her class. However, she had to quit 4th grade to earn a living. She had to wake up early to make and sell desserts to take care of her 6 siblings. It was odd that my grandmother disliked my mother very much. She had been scolding my mother since she was young, which I heard since I was a small child.

My grandmother is now 72 years old and lives next door. She often gets angry. If she gets frustrated she scolds people very loudly. My grandmother loves to associate with mediums.  She also raised a girl-ghost. She also believes in Naga, the serpent god. My grandma was accepted to be a medium for the serpent god. She pays homage and worships every morning. On every Buddhist Sabbath day she will buy garlands for worship.

She often says she would be able to live with the serpent god after death. She can hardly walk because her legs no longer have much strength. However, if someone invites her to accrue merits she can walk with no difficulty. She says it was because the serpent god wanted her to perform merits, so he made her walk.  

When she started to get older she started to look for someone to inherit her mediumship. At first she had an eye on my mother. However, I told my mother not to accept, since I came to pursue Perfections and realised that it isn’t the true source of merit. So my mother refused. Therefore my aunt has to inherit the position from my grandmother instead.
While my mother meditates, she feels something wrapping around her body. It is very uncomfortable and she feels as though something black is all around her. It feels as if  she would suffocate. Sometimes she didn’t want to meditate because of her fears. She has very good meditation experiences. She sees a clear and bright Lord Buddha Images. Sometimes she can see a bright Lord Buddha image while she is relaxing and placing her mind gently at the center. It is a mixture of feelings. I can only advise her to keep on practicing meditation even if it would kill her. There was one thing that made me love cultivating good deeds.

When I was about ten years old, I dreamed I was sitting in front of Yommaloke, the Lord of purgatory. He said, “You were very wealthy but didn’t like to practice generosity. That is why you are here.” At that moment I felt very hot and scared, terribly scared.  I was crying and begging the Lord of purgatory to spare me a chance to reborn. I said I would never want to be wealthy and if I had money I would spend all I have for merit. I remember that dream so well until today. It has been an inspiration for me to cultivate merits. I love visiting many temples to accrue merits. And I always empty my pockets for merits.

I have the following questions:
1. What was my father’s kamma to be born into a noble family, be highly educated and have many fortunes but in the end had to live his life on his pension only?
What was his kamma to give all his fortune to his first wife?

2. Where is my father after he passed away?
What was his vision before he passed away?
What was it that he saw crawling around the house before he passed away?
I dedicate merits to him everyday. Has he received them?

3. What was the noise I heard after my father’s death?
Was it my father’s voice?
If not, what was it from?

4. What was my mother’s kamma that caused her to be born into a poor family,
where her mother didn’t love her and always hurt her feelings?
Why didn’t she have a chance to study at a higher level even though she was clever?

5. My mother had to marry my father who was 40 years older than her.
Was it a soul matter or a certain kind of kamma?

6. Why can’t my mother meditate?
Why does she often see terrible visions?
Is it because our house is controlled by black magic?
How can we fix it?

7. Who is the serpent god my grandmother worships?
What can I do to make her understand the correct way of cultivating merits?

8. Was my childhood dream that I was in the purgatory real?
When my mother was pregnant with me she told me that
she dreamt that she saw an angel in a very beautiful flower garden.
Where did I come from?

9. My younger sister first came to the temple on the same day as me.
She hasn’t had faith in pursuing Perfections.
She accrues merits based on her mood.
How have my sister I pursued Perfections with the community before?
Why do we live such different lives?

10. How have my mother and I pursued Perfections with the community before?
Will we be able to follow the community to the Special Merits Zone of Tusita heaven, in the Bodhisatta Region (the 4th level of Heaven)

Luang Phaw's Dream

I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.
When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)
1. In the past life your father was born into a noble family. He was tender and humble. He liked to help people with social welfare. He used to accrue merits in Buddhism.
  • At first he was happy before and while cultivating merits. Later he lost faith and felt regret. 
  • In this life time he was born into a noble family and had a high education. Later his fortunes decreased as well as having his sexual misconduct kamma increased, so he was worried and interested in females more than in his fortunes.
2. Before your father died he saw snakes crawling all over the house because of his visions of his sexual misconduct. With the merit that he had cultivated he became an earth sprite in the lineage of the underground serpent god (Naga).
  • He receives the merits you dedicate to him every day. They made his condition become better and he has his own Heavenly home.
3. The noise you heard like someone was walking in the house and banging on the wall and the dogs barking was in fact your father’s noises as he came back to visit. He tried to greet everyone but no on could see him. He could do that because he was a high class earth sprite who recently passed away.
His psychic power was still strong so he could do such a thing.
4. Your mother was born into a poor family and hadn’t  been loved but scolded by her mother and didn’t study further although she was clever, because in her past life she was born into a wealthy family but was greedy and often scolded her family and servants. She didn’t support their education for fear of not being able to keep control. 
5. Your mother cannot practice meditation and sees terrible visions, but not because of black magic. It was her childhood memory from when she was scolded by your grandmother and from being involved with mediums and black magic.

  • Tell your mother to ignore those things and keep focusing on the Lord Buddha Image, then the visions will disappear.
6. The God serpent that your grandmother worships is the earth-sprite sorcerer who used her as a medium. She has this connection from her previous life.
  • Find the right moment to explain to her and persuade her to worship the Triple Gem (the Lord Buddha, the Dhamma and the Sangha). You must, after your every merit, make a wish for her to have the right knowledge. And watching DMC (the Dow Dham Satellite) can also help. 
7. The dream about purgatory wasn’t real. It was just a dream about what you have heard.
  • However, when your mother was pregnant and dreamt of an angel in a beautiful flower garden, it was an insight vision that a person from a good place would be born.
8. Your sister accrued merits according to her mood because it was her habit from the past life. But she used to pursue Perfections with the community as a supporter. Take it easy and keep giving her Dhamma talks.
9. In your past life you were wealthy but greedy. You had a family but had bad children who used up your treasure and became poor. You were suffering and seeking the Dhamma. You got to meet with the community at the end of your life. You made a wish to pursue Perfections with the community at a young age.
  • Your greedy kamma caused you to be born into poor family. However, you could pursue Perfections at a young age as you wished.
  • Your mother was your sister whom you invited to the temple. You both had similar habits, where you never thought of merits while you were rich. You would think of cultivating merits during the tough times. You had to be ‘hard up’ to start coming to the temple.
  • Do not be as you were in the past life. Abandon your greed and cultivate every merit such as practicing generosity (Dana), keeping Precepts (Sila) and meditating (Bhavana). And make resolutions to follow the community to the Special Merits Zone of Tusita heaven, in the Bodhisatta Area (the 4th level of Heaven).

Case study in real life

The Law of Kamma (Pali:Compared to "Karma" in Sanskrit) segment or "Case Study" is one of the prominent sections on the Dream in Dream kindergarten program, conducted by the Venerable Phrarajbhavanavisudh, also known as, Luang Phaw Dhammajayo of the Dhammakaya Temple in Pathum Thani Province, Thailand.

Each individualized "Case Study" is based on the timeless Law of Kamma (the Law of Cause and Effect) which examines the reasons for many situations and complex inter-relationships people find themselves in. Viewers from around the world write personal letters to Luang Phaw wanting to understand the karmic reasons for many special circumstances in their life.

This program is not intended to convert anyone to Buddhism or any other religions persuasion. Rather the goal is to help spread genuine peace, happiness and understanding here in Thailand and around the world. By first discovering and cultivating inner peace within ourselves through meditation, we can help spread love and kindness outward, helping to make our world a better place for everyone.


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