Blinded By Love

We made plans to marry. My parents objected to the marriage because they did not like anyone from his lineage. However,I did not listen to my parents because I was blinded by love and it was my first love.

Dhamma Articles > Case studies
[ Jan 17th, 2006 ] - [ read : 15011 ]
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Blinded By Love

With great respect to Luangphaw.

My family has been coming to the temple since 1989.  My father was the connecting point with the realm of merit or perhaps it was our destiny.  What I mean is that one day my father bought many newspapers that had employment announcements for my older sister who had just graduated.  He underlined the jobs that looked interesting in every newspaper.  One of the announcements read: “Kalayanamitra Office accepting applications for public relations staff and plumbers.”

My older sister thought that public relations fit with her educational field (Master of Arts) so she wrote an application letter to that position.  She sent out many job applications but only one organization contacted her for a test.  Nobody in the family knew that this organization was the temple office because we were not familiar with the temple and had not heard of the Wat Phra Dhammakaya before.

This was the start of my older sister’s merit-making, as well as for the entire family.  When she had finished about one month of training, we all came to Wat Phra Dhammakaya.  After this, she would inform us of news about merit and always invited the family to make various kinds of merit with her.  She gradually brought us into harmony with the temple, along with all its activities and frequent merit-making.  

We had an opportunity to make a major form of merit with Luang Phaw: we were vice-presidents of the Kathina ceremony three times.  We built a total of 31 personal Buddha images for placement both inside and outside the Dhammakaya Cetiya.  We made every type of merit told to us by Luang Phaw.  I am the middle daughter of 5 children.  All the siblings love each other and help each other in every way.  But a child in a warm and loving family must leave that family and confront life with its karmic destiny.  I would like to tell my story.

My maternal grandparents earned their living growing oranges.  They had 5 children.  My maternal grandfather was kind.  He liked to help others and to make merit.  He was also a traditional doctor who took care of villagers’ illnesses.  He liked to raise fighting fish but he did not have them fight with one another himself.  He raised them for other people to hold fights.  He took the money he earned from raising these fish and used it to buy medicine for villagers.  He did not charge anything for his medical services.  One day he complained that he felt sick and hot inside.  We took him to the hospital where he spent one night before dying from a ruptured intestine.  He was 90 years old.

My maternal grandmother was hard-working, honest, and kind.  She liked to make merit and make offerings to the monks.  Whenever there was a festival with merit-making, she would make food and various confections for the temple.  She would make extra to give to relatives and friends as well.  She would make one giant pan all at once.  Moreover, she was an expert at making Thai desserts, especially those made with eggs.  When someone’s son ordained or there was a funeral, people in the village would ask her to help make desserts. 20 days after my grandfather’s death, her enlarged heart which she had for 2 years previously became markedly worse.  Her condition worsened.  She dies peacefully at the hospital at the age of 75.

While my grandparents were still alive, they divided up their inheritance among every child.  My mother was the youngest child.  They gave her 3 rai along with the house where they lived.

When everyone had married, they all moved out of the house, including my mother.  Only my second uncle still lived at the house.  10 years after my grandparents died, my second uncle moved out.  My mother then moved into the house with her family.  So we had 2 houses.  Then my mother made merit by inviting monks to the house to bless it and make merit on behalf of my grandparents.

At that time, I was 18 years old, a first-year university student.  When we organized the house blessing and merit making ceremony at my house, there was a male neighbor who joined the event.  He was 23 at the time.  He had a vocational degree but had not continued his studies or started working.  He was mentally ill and stayed idle at home.  We got to know each other and continued to see each other.

When we were seeing one another, he told me the reason for his mental problems.  When he was about 17 and still studying for his vocational degree, he traveled to the forests in Sukhothai Province.  He got separated from his friends and could not find a way out of the forest.

He spent that night on a high dirt mound to be safe from wild animals.  He did not sleep the entire night because he had a conversation with a stranger.  Even various animals came to listen to their conversation.  The conversation lasted until the morning.  When the sun rose, he descended from the mound and met his friends.

When he returned home, he started to have the symptoms of mental illness.  He could not sleep.  Everyone in his household though he was possessed by a ghost.  His family took him to see a spiritual medium of a monk named the Venerable Phrom.  The spiritual medium told him he was possessed by two child spirits.

These 2 child spirits were his 2 older brothers that his mother had miscarried during pregnancy.  They were named Ji and Vej.  My friend’s condition got worse.  He did not eat or sleep.  He spoke with strangers and often referred to the 2 child spirits as good people who helped him escape death in the forest.

When he had these symptoms, he smoked heavily.  He liked to give away things, especially cigarettes.  He had never been like this previously.  He was taken to a mental hospital.  When his symptoms were severe, he was treated with electric shocks.

The doctor said he would have to take medicine until he died because his brain lacked lithium.  Two of his maternal aunts had the same condition, as well as relatives on his father’s side.  People said it was hereditary but his parents did not have this illness.

We saw one another until I graduated from university and worked for a year at a land development company when we made plans to marry.

My parents objected to the marriage because they did not like anyone from his lineage.  In the language of the commoners, they said “Folks like that are not worth mixing with.”  In addition, my friend’s father was a heavy womanizer with many wives.  However, I did not listen to my parents because I was blinded by love and it was my first love.

In the end, we married because I felt sorry for him.  His illness was not constant.  It only showed up during some periods.  When he was not sick, he normally had enough to live on because he earned money from selling plots of land he had inherited.

He once owned a small metal fabrication company but he did not succeed in this business.  He invested money in real estate with his friends but they cheated him out of his investment and left him in debt.

In our first year of marriage, I used birth control because I was not ready for children.  After this, I wanted to have children.  Two years passed and we did not have children.  I decided to build a personal Buddha image for outside the Dhammakaya Cetiya.  I put my unborn child’s name on the Buddha image.  But I still did not become pregnant.

I had to build another personal Buddha image for the central dome of the Dhammakaya Cetiya and had it engraved with Luang Pu Sod’s name.  I became pregnant and gave birth to a son.  When I was in the early part of the pregnancy, I did not know I was pregnant.  But I had bleeding so I visited the doctor.  The doctor told me I was pregnant but that there was a 50 percent chance of a miscarriage.  The doctor helped me as much as possible by injecting me with medicines to prevent a miscarriage.

Finally I passed the period of risk for a miscarriage.  When I was near the due date, I had high blood pressure and tired easily.  I was 7 months pregnant and my son was not kicking inside my womb.  The doctor said my pregnancy was abnormal.  I could not give birth naturally and would require a c-section.  He said I could not have any additional children because I would be risking my life.

My son was born healthy and strong in every way.  I raised him by myself.  He was intelligent and a good student.  He had a big heart and liked making merit.  He liked to make offerings to the monks on their alms rounds.  He often said “I will ordain for you mom.”  Now he is 5 years old.

After marriage, my husband changed for the worse.  He would not help me with work, even though he helped me with everything before we married.  Moreover, my father-in-law drank heavily and brought women to the house.  My husband’s sister and brother-in-law did not like me because of our own egos.

My husband never protected and defended me, his own wife.  At this time, I had to accept the conditions created by this demerit.  But I did not lose hope because my heart was in the realm of merit and I thought that only this merit could help us.  I increasingly made merit without missing an opportunity.  I offer food to the monks on their alms round everyday.

When my son was one year old, I had hemorrhagic fever and blood accumulated under my skin.  I had to have three consecutive days of medical injections.  After this, I had aches and pains, lost energy, and lost weight.  My mother went to find traditional medicines to boil for me and my condition improved until I returned to normal.  But I still had a problem with a weak uterus.

My younger sister had three sons, even though she wanted daughters.  She offered her middle son as a son in Dhamma of Luang Phaw when he was 9 months old.  Luang Phaw very kindly accepted and told my younger sister to take care of him until he could ordain.  At that time, my family offered a cat’s eye jewel.  

But why did this child have various types of behavior which we could not understand.  He did not like anybody looking at him.  He disliked being reprimanded, especially by his parents.  If his parents lost their temper with him, he would immediately cry.  When he went to school and the teacher asked him a question, he would not speak or respond.  But at home he spoke very well.  Sometimes he showed great self-confidence but shyness.  This was difficult for us to understand.


1. What sort of merit and demerit did my grandfather accumulate from using the money he earned by raising fighting fish to buy medicines for other people?  What demerit led him to have a ruptured intestine?  What was his mental state at the time of his death?  Where did he go?  Did he receive the merit made on his behalf?

2. What demerit caused my grandmother to have an enlarged heart?  What was her mental state at the time of her death?  Where did she go?  Did she receive the merit made on her behalf?

3. Who did my husband speak with when he was lost in the forest?  Is it true what he told me about this?  Is he possessed by child spirits?  Are these child spirits his two older brothers that his mother miscarried?

4. What demerit caused my husband to have mental problems?  What demerit caused him to be cheated by his friends out of everything?  Why does he have assets but cannot succeed in business?

5. What demerit caused me to marry my husband, even though I knew he had mental problems?  Why does my life only have suffering?  What merit must I make to solve this problem and be released from this demerit?

6. What demerit caused me to almost miscarry during pregnancy?  Why did I have an abnormal pregnancy and could not give birth naturally?  What demerit did I and my son accumulate together?

7. What caused my son’s birth to be so difficult?  Was my son born because of the personal Buddha images I made?  Did I have a son (not a daughter) because I built a personal Buddha image?  Did he come from a good place?  Will my son have my husband’s demerit?

8. What led me to have hemorrhagic fever and a weak uterus?

9. What merit did my younger sister have or what merit did she make that caused her to have 3 sons even though she wanted daughters?  How does a person’s merit and demerit influence whether he/she  has a daughter or a son?  Is it possible to accumulate merit and wish successfully for the gender we prefer our children to be?

10. Why does my younger sister’s middle child behave in ways that are difficult to understand?  Will her 3 sons have enough merit to ordain as their mother wishes?

11. How did I, my mother, and all my siblings make merit with the Dhammakaya community in the past?  Why were we born as siblings who love each other very much and make all forms of merit together?

12. My older sister is the only one of us who has become a staff member at the temple.  What merit did she make that caused her to become a female lay-person at the temple?  What results did she get from her meditation in the past?  How did she make merit?
I would like to express my deepest thanks and respect for the kindness of Luang Phaw.

Luang Phaw's Dream

I closed my eyes, dreamed and woke up with these answers.
When you tell anybody the story like a tale, it will make anyone know more about retribution (Law of Kamma)

1. Your grandfather sold fighting fish and used the proceeds to make merit.  This is a mix of merit and demerit because he used an impure resource to make merit.  He sold animals to have them harm one another.  When the demerit for this arises, he will lack strength and have many diseases.  But he will recover from these illnesses, after which they will return and he will recover again in a cycle.  His ability to treat his diseases will come from his free medical treatment of the villagers.
  • Your grandfather had a ruptured intestine because of the main demerit from raising fighting fish in most recent life.  This combines with his demerit from killing animals for food in previous lives and his most recent life.
  • His mental state at the time of his death alternated between thinking about merit and sin.  He mind was neither very sorrowful nor very bright.
  • After his death, he became an earth spirit at a good level, due to his charitable acts for the world and the merit he made through traditional Buddhist practice.
  • He received the merit made on his behalf and this caused him to have better conditions in all ways.
2.   Your grandmother had an enlarged heart because of the demerit from killing animals for food in her past lives and her most recent past life.  
  • It was also due to the demerit from her excessive use of animals for labor when she was born into a agricultural society.
  • When she died, she became a deity with a golden celestial palace at Tavatimsa (the second level of heaven).  This was due to the merit she made in Buddhism and charitable actions for the world.   
  • She received the merit made on her behalf and obtained more celestial treasures as a result.

3. Your husband got lost in the forest and conversed with someone.  This is not a true story.  It resulted from light demerit from drinking alcohol and from paying respect to black magicians.  In other words, drinking alcohol and propitiating the black magician with alcoholic beverages caused him to have these mental symptoms from the time he was in the forest.  He is not possessed by child spirits or anything else.
  • It was a visual delusion that arose due his past actions.  You should have your husband forget about this matter and accumulate every type of merit as much as possible.

4. Your husband had symptoms of mental illness and was cheated out of everything by his friends.  Although he has many assets, he does not succeed in business every time.  This is because of his past demerit from cheating his friends.  In that past life, he invested with a friend and fooled this friend by claiming that the business was losing money even though it was earning a lot of profit.  He continued to cheat his friend until his friend had nothing left.
  • At first your husband had a lot of assets because he once made merit to the fullest degree in the past.  But later he regretted his actions and asked for the money back.  This means he is unable to maintain his assets in this life.
5. You decided to marry your mentally unstable husband because you were husband and wife in the past.  You liked to prepare snacks and pour alcoholic drinks for him because you did not want him to drink outside of your home.  So this past demerit and your past marriage with one another made you marry, even though he has mental problems.
  • Your married life is full of suffering because you did not listen to your parents, even though they tried to warn you.  It is also due to the imbalance between the levels of faith, keeping of the precepts, and conviction held by your family and your husband’s family. 
  • You must make offerings, keep the precepts, meditate, perform the duties of a kalayanamitra, and wish that you will meet only wise men.  If you will have a family, you must wish for a person with the same degree of faith, precepts, and conviction as you, and to be a Dhammakaya family.
6. Your almost miscarried, had an abnormal pregnancy, and could not give birth naturally.  This is because of light demerit from selling pregnant cows for slaughter. 

  • Also, you son has light demerit in a way similar to yours.  But this demerit is very light now so you did not miscarry. 
  • You and your son have similar kamma so you were born as mother and son in this life.
7. It was difficult to conceive your son so you had to build a Dhammakaya Buddha image so that he would be born.  He would have been your son anyway because of your similar kamma.  When you wished for his birth using the merit from the Buddha image, the wish supported his conception as your son.    
  • Your son came from a bright place.  He does not have the demerit of his father that would cause him to have mental problems. 
8.  You had hemorrhagic fever and almost died.  When you were born into an agricultural society in the past, when you became angry you hit animals very hard to release your anger.
  • You have a weak uterus because of the demerit from selling pregnant cows for slaughter.  This is light demerit that leads to the weakness of your uterus.
9. Your younger sister had 3 sons even though she desired daughters.  Her 3 sons made merit together with their mother so they were born as her sons again.   

  • Having a daughter or a son depends on the situation at the time the genes mix.  The kamma that the child has must equal that of the parents at that time. For example, those who have kamma from sex outside of marriage and have the same kamma as their parents or have kamma together with their parents: these people will be born as daughters.  Those who do not have kamma from sex outside of marriage, and have the same kamma as their parents or have kamma together with their parents: these people will be born as sons.

  • If you accumulate all forms of merit and wish to have the child you desire, the result depends on whether your merit and your child’s merit are equal and whether the merit was earned together.
10. Your younger sister’s middle child has behavior that is difficult to understand because light demerit from drinking alcohol in the past.  Raise him carefully.  Do not use your temper when raising him.  Gradually teach him using reason and always invite him to come make merit at the temple.  In a while his behavior will improve.
  • All three of her sons have enough merit to ordain for a short period. 
  • If they want to ordain for a long period, it will take a lot of time to instill in them the truth about life.
11. You, your mother, and your siblings were supporters of the Dhammakaya community in the past.  Sometimes you fully supported the community and sometimes it depended on your mood. 
  • Your were born as siblings who love each other very much and make every type of merit together because you made merit together in the past, as you are doing now.
12. In the last Buddhist era, your older sister was a soldier of the king who ordained as monk.  She followed the king to ordain for the rest of her life.  She invited her family to make merit with the community.  She had responsibility for spreading the Dhamma and had good results from her Buddhist practice to go to Tusita (the fourth level of heaven).
  • In this life we meet again and diligently make all forms of merit to the fullest degree.  Make the resolution that when you pass away we will all go to Tusita (the fourth level of heaven) together.  Let us not miss this opportunity.

Case study in real life

The Law of Kamma (Pali:Compared to "Karma" in Sanskrit) segment or "Case Study" is one of the prominent sections on the Dream in Dream kindergarten program, conducted by the Venerable Phrarajbhavanavisudh, also known as, Luang Phaw Dhammajayo of the Dhammakaya Temple in Pathum Thani Province, Thailand.

Each individualized "Case Study" is based on the timeless Law of Kamma (the Law of Cause and Effect) which examines the reasons for many situations and complex inter-relationships people find themselves in. Viewers from around the world write personal letters to Luang Phaw wanting to understand the karmic reasons for many special circumstances in their life.

This program is not intended to convert anyone to Buddhism or any other religions persuasion. Rather the goal is to help spread genuine peace, happiness and understanding here in Thailand and around the world. By first discovering and cultivating inner peace within ourselves through meditation, we can help spread love and kindness outward, helping to make our world a better place for everyone.


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