1.The Parent-Child Relationship # 5

Meditation

Meditation for Beginners

 

1.The Parent-Child Relationship # 5

 

 

An in appropriate marriage might ruin the rest of a couple’s life

 

4. Arranging for their marriage to a suitable apouse: As if giving all manner of basic needs and education is not enough, children even expect parents to give approval (or otherwise) when in doubt about who to marry. When one’s children are fully educated and are well-established in their careers, if they wish to marry, then parents have two important duties-firstly to finance their childrens’ marriage and secondly to advise and take the final decision in their childrens’ choice of spouse. In reality, who your child marries is not the important issue-it is whether they possess the sixteen qualities of a “good friend” (see Chapter Five) upon which to build their own family. In the opinion of Buddhists, if as a to build their own family. In the opinion of Buddhists, if as a parent, you can persuade your child not to marry, you will be doing them the biggest favour of all because at best the happiness of married life is only miniscule compared with all the suffering family life brings. One’s opportunity to do good deeds is seriously curtailed by one’s opportunity to do good deeds is seriously curtailed by one’s marriage.The latter role of the parents is seen as an unnecessary intervention by many modern societies but Buddhists still fee it is justified because the choice of a marriage partner is a serious long-term decision and ideally should be made on the basis of experienced discretion of someone with a lot of experience of the world.

 

 

 

Arranging for their marriage to a suitable apouse

 

It os not the job of the parents to act as the matchmaker, especially when one’s child is still not sufficiently well-educated or with insufficient work-experience to look after themselves.Young people in love tend to see the world through rose-tinted spectacles. An in appropriate marriage might ruin the rest of a couple’s life and this is why parents are called upon by Buddhists to make the final decision as to the marriage partner. The reason is because it is easier to find a good lover than to find a good mother for one’s prospective family. Having hundreds of children is no being a good parent-because a parent must impart knowledge, discretion and morality. That a son or daughter leaves the final decision to their parents is another way of repaying their debt of gratitude to them. In any case however parents should be lenient in their discretion, using  as a rule of thumb “the partner who we don’t like but our child loves is better than the partner we love but our child doesn’t like”. The partner who we don’t like but our child loves is better than the partner we love but our child doesn’t like”. The only circumstances which may cause friction between the two generations is when one’s son or daughter falls in love with someone criminal or otherwise damaging to their future;

 

to be continued...

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