3. The Husband-Wife Relationship

Meditation

Meditation for Beginners

 

3. The Husband-Wife Relationship

 

 

She must be conscientious in her responsibilities.

 

A third important factor influencing social development is the quality of the relationship between husband and wife. The quality of a marital relationship is measured in terms of fulfillment of reciprocal duties between husband and wife responsibilities collectively referred to as the western quarter [pacchimadisa].

 

A Husband’s responsibilities to his wife

 

Buddha advised of five duties a husband should fulfil towards his wife and five duties a wife should fulfil towards her husband. A husband should show responsibility for his wife by:

 

1. Honouring his wife: This means a husband should publically acknowledge her as his wife. Once a man is married he should show off his wife. Once a man is her in secret. He should have a proper, lawful registration of his marriage. He should praise his wife and be careful to treat his wife with respect, not criticising her personally in front of inferiors;

 

 

She must take good care of the shared wealth

 

2. Not looking down on his wife: He must never look down on his wife. Just because a couple is married doesn’t mean that a husband will automatically have an attitude of respect for his wife. Sometimes he may look down on her or even treat her like a slave or a pet. That a husband restrains himself from looking down on his wife in any way, shows his responsibility for the human dignity of others;

 

3. Being faithful to his wife: He must never be unfaithful: Because a Buddhist husband is a man of virtue it goes without saying that he refrains from the Four Defiliements of Action [kammakilesa]: killing, stealing, adultery and telling lies. He would thus never be unfaithful to his wife, because doing so would destroy the human son who is found guilty of sexual misconduct are described in the Sutta Nipata:

 

“Whatever fame and reputation he had before, of course vanishes…in the grip of his fantasies, he broods like a beggar. Hearing the outrage of others, he gets depressed…hearing the spread of gossip, he then hides in his own embarrassment. He cannot accept the criticism of others on this count, and may life to those who try to counsel him…”

 

 

 A husband should show responsibility for his wife.

 

4. Delegating authority to his wife: He should give his wife the responsibility for looking after the house: To demonstrate his sincerety and trust for his wife, a husband must give his wife the final word in the organization of the household and the family without interfering. Traditionally, a husband should also wntrust his wife with the family finances-entrusting her with his wage packet. If his wife is a “working mother” it doesn’t make her any less responsible for the affairs of the home and the family-husband and wife will need to come to an agreement, according to the principles of the “Four Bases of Sympathy” [sangahavatthu], whereby she can manage to keep on top of her domestic responsibilities with out being overloaded;

 

5. Providing his wife with gifts (clothes): He should bring his wife gifts of clothing or jewelry. Such gifts express the love of a husband for his wife and his appreciation of her virtues. Such generosity can mend many marriages. It breathes a new air of life into a relationship. A husband should take his wife shopping for things she wants to buy. He should encourage her to do the things she wants to do – thereby allowing her to get out of the house occasionally. (This might seem insignificant, but you should ask yourself what, if it is not for gifts, over the passing of the years, can express that a husband still needs his wife and that he still continues to appreciate her?

 

A wife’s responsibilities to her husband

 

 

A wife’s responsibilities to her husband

 

Meanwhile the wife should show her responsibility to her husband by:

 

1. Keeping work delegated to her in order: The wife should see to it that the house becomes a heavenly mansion the house should be peaceful, the food nourishing and appropriate in taste to the age and the healith of the family members;

 

2. Being hospitable and helpful too her and her husband’s friends and relatives: She must take proper care of her ‘in-laws’. The wife must look after her ‘in-laws’ especially well (within the limits of her convenience). She must be especially careful what she says to them because a few ill chosen words can have serious consequences;

 

3. Being faithful to her husband: She must never be unfaithful. Because a Buddhist wife is a woman of virtue it goes without saying that she refrains from the Four Defilements of action [kammakilesa]: killing, stealing, adultery and telling lies, She would thus never be unfaithful to her husband, because doing so would destroy the human dignity of herself and her husband;

 

4. Taking good care of the possessions her husband brings home: She must take good care of the shared wealth: A wife should look after the shared wealth of the household responsibly-being neither extravagant nor stingy. This implies that the husband goes out to work but entrusts his wife with the money for the administration of the family finances;

 

5. Being conscientious in all her duties: She must be conscientious in her responsibilities. Having been entrusted with the responsibility of looking after the household and the family she should see to it that these duties are properly fulfilled rather than lazing around at home or doing other work to the neglect of the household;

 

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