This narrative describes the author's tumultuous past marked by alcoholism, anger, and violence towards loved ones. Their life transforms after attending the Panawat Meditation Park in 2003, where they connect with the teachings of Luang Phaw Dhammajayo from DMC channel. The author experiences the calming effects of meditation, realizing that true happiness comes from within. The initial challenges of meditation soon give way to feelings of joy and liberation, emphasizing the profound impact of mindfulness and inner peace in transforming one’s life.
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Sometimes, after offering food to monks, I did not
pour ceremonial water immediately but had some
drinks first. Apart from being an alcoholic, I was also
a lottery addict. Every fortnight, I bought lottery that
cost about seven to ten thousand baht, but I never won
any prizes. My husband told me to save this amount of
money in a bank. He said that it would be like I won
the lottery prize when the results were drawn because
all the money that I have saved all this while will still
be with me.
Back then, I was a ferocious and ill-tempered person.
Everybody was afraid of me, including my mother and
my husband. Once, I struck my sister's head with a
chopping knife. Her scull was broken, and her head
was covered with blood. I persisted and continued
hitting her again with a bottle of soft drink. Her head
was terribly injured and bled profusely the second
time. My sister-in-law was also hit by a pair of hot
tongs that burned and peeled off her skin. I also hit
my brother and kicked him on his chin as he bowed
before me asking me to have pity on him. He bled as a
result of my kicks. No one could stop my anger.
When I got angry, everybody had to listen to me. They
could not argue or walk away. My husband was so
afraid that I saw him shaking in fear each time I lost
my temper. I asked him why he was so afraid of me.
He said that when I got mad, it seemed like I was
possessed by a ghost.
I lived my life this way until I went to the Panawat
Meditation Park in 2003. I took my mother along with
me as she was also an alcoholic. When we both
listened to the sermon of Luang Phaw Dhammajayo
from DMC channel at Panawat, we then recognized
the truth of life.
Meditation had the power to calm me down. When I
first practiced meditation, my legs ached but the pain
went away as I prayed to the Great Master. My mind
kept focusing on the centre of my body and I could
see the light inside my stomach. I felt happy and free
like I was in a vast and fresh open field. I felt like my
body was covered with crystals and my stomach
expanded and the light shining within me got brighter.
I was filled with joy. Several hours of meditation
seemed like a short time for me. I continued
meditating until someone called out to me to have a
meal. During meditation, I realized that there is no
other happiness greater than the inner happiness
which is derived from meditation. It was a really
blissful moment.
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