Understanding Self-Dependence in Marriage : หน้า 23/207

hope that you will find someone else to help you with the many things in life. There are some who get married because they expect that their spouse will treat them favorably in different ways; and at the same time, they will treat their spouse favorably in return. But what really happens is that their spouses do not treat them in the way they expect at all or are not able to treat them that way 24/7. The ways the spouses are treated veer away from their expectations as well. Some men get married because they want a beautiful wife. But women can not maintain their beauty 24 hours a day. Physical beauty does not last. If it is only physical attraction that matters, when external beauty subsides, chances that a spouse will be unfaithful are high. Some people get married because they are infatuated with the other’s good behavior. They were mistaken when they thought their spouse would always be polite, but the truth is people can not sustain wonderful manners 24 hours a day. If the search for a life partner is based on “dependence,” whenever they no longer feel secure with one another, they will start fighting or pursue a lawsuit, as we often see. These problems have led to a proverb, “Faulty expectations bring disappointment.” The right frame of mind before marriage is, “I must depend on myself.” In a marriage, there are many aspects which will require the other person to depend on you. In other words, there are more issues that require patience than issues that do not require patience, which will require the knowledge, skills and virtues you developed before the marriage. Besides, there will be so many new duties that you have never done before, and you never know whether the results will turn out good or bad. This is particularly true of being a parent of a newborn child who cannot depend on itself and must rely on its parents for many needs. In order for the children to grow into independent individuals, parents need to devote plenty of their own knowledge, skills and virtues. Therefore, it is wrong to hope that you will be able to depend on another person prior to getting married. The fact is the chance that others will rely on you is higher than the chance that you will rely on others. Self-Dependence An independent person is a person with knowledge, ability and virtue. In summary, this person must have Dhamma for Laypersons.