Practicing the Four Universal Forms of Benevolence : หน้า 37/207

The Buddha answered this question in one word: benevolence. That is to say mutual benevolence, the practice the Four Universal Forms of Benevolence (Sāngahavatthu), promote happiness in living together. 1. Giving (Dāna) Loving and living together require sharing. Everyone should put his or her earnings in the common coffers and share. Not doing so can give rise to suspicion. Where there is no giving, the atmosphere feels very unpleasant. And sharing encompasses sharing of problems too. When one has a problem, the other party should be willing to lend a hand to help. 2. Pleasant speech (Piyavāca) One should be careful when giving advice, being too candid can hurt the other party’s ego and give rise to resentment. The rule of thumb is that the pleasant words one used before marriage should continue to be used during marriage. 3. Mutual Benefit (Athacarīya) Couples can help each other by talking about what is right and what is wrong based on the Dhamma they have studied. They should always continue to acquire knowledge of Dhamma and put it into practice. Generally, when a husband and wife quarrel, each will try to put the blame on the other party when in fact they both are guilty of not finding the appropriate way to prevent conflicts. 4. Right Roles (Samaṇattattha) The husband should be a good father, and the wife should be a good mother. Each should assume responsibilities both inside and outside the house. Only meditation will enable them to fully achieve this goal. Those who have practiced meditation until their thinking is clear will know how to behave. They will not allow outside influences to affect their behavior. In conclusion, practicing the Four Universal Forms of Benevolence is the same as exercising the Three Basic Meritorious Deeds, which are: Giving – sharing of things. Adherence to Precepts – to improve one’s morals, both in speech and in action. Meditation – meditation clears our mind, and a clear mind opens the door to wisdom, and wisdom shows the way to appropriate actions. Responsibilities of a Husband and Wife In order to keep their love alive, a husband and wife should know their responsibilities towards each other thoroughly; these responsibilities are based on the Four Universal Forms of Benevolence.