The Importance of Elders in Marriage Guidance : หน้า 26/207

3) They must have a life teacher or a good counselor advising them on marriage and relationships. Otherwise, it is possible that they will not be able to maintain a long relationship. 4) They must be able to train themselves until they can bring their morals to a higher level. Otherwise, they will lack the knowledge, ability and virtue to handle all the duties that marriage will bring them. They must be able to look after themselves and others at the same time. If their virtue is not high enough, especially in terms of generosity and sacrifice for the greater good, they will not be able to follow through and support their families and future generations, and will not be accepted by society at this level. The elders have such great virtue and are capable of being reliable advisors to children and future generations because they trained themselves and created a foundation for their families based on the four factors mentioned previously. Therefore, a family or relationship requires an advisor from the point of spouse selection, the duties of a good spouse, in-laws, parents, and relatives, the duties associated with a successful career, to the many duties that arise in a community. In all of these categories, you must have an elder to advise you and point you in the right direction, so that you can always live together as a peaceful family. --- Therefore, a marriage cannot be without an elder, or a highly virtuous adult who can advise and discipline the husband and wife’s behavior. Without “an elder”, the family will head in the wrong direction. **Dhamma that Creates a Beautiful Mind** With a thorough understanding of the first three factors, it is time for the marriage to continue on to a higher level of morality with more strength and stability. If the husband and wife lack the morals in being together, they will not be able to sustain the love they have towards each other on a long-term basis, since the heart of the family is based on the foundation of morals embraced by the husband and wife. We should train ourselves to become independent prior to marriage. Our grandparents introduced Dhamma for Laypersons as a guideline to self-training. Even after we get married and have a family, we still have to practice Dhamma for Laypersons at a higher level. One of the four virtues that a householder will most often exercise and that will have the greatest impact on the family is endurance (Khanti) and sacrifice (Caga). After the wedding, a higher level of endurance is required in order to withstand possible conflicts. In other