Understanding Marital Conflicts and Endurance : หน้า 16/207

there is something that still displeases us. When we are displeased with ourselves, they are considered weaknesses that have turned into bad habits. And we will notice that we have overlooked so many other points. There are weaknesses among husbands, wives, and children, plus the weaknesses present in ourselves that we must include. There is no way to avoid conflict. Therefore, even when a husband and wife who live in the same house are good to each other, they will still have weaknesses. If we think that we are unable to endure this, please do not have a weak heart and get married. But nowadays, although some people may have already gotten married, they like to refer to individual rights. After they get married, they still draw up papers, getting ready to separate. This creates the question, "If you didn't think you would be able to endure each other, why did you get married?" The elders had a saying regarding a husband and wife, "It is like tongue and teeth - they always bump into each other." Therefore, it does not matter how good a couple is together because they will inevitably have conflicts. If they think that when they fight with each other, they cannot stand each other, they should not have bothered to marry each other. But if their mind is made up, they can stand their spouse, and their spouse's family is willing to give him/her up, they must talk about it and figure out how they can put up with each other. This is better than talking about something else. The question they have to ask each other is, "Are you sure that you can tolerate me?" If we are not sure whether or not we can tolerate each other, then we should not get married. If we do, we will stir up or create bad kamma. So a loving couple will turn into enemies in the future. Should we separate now instead? That is the question that both of you should ask yourselves before you get married. So instead of asking how many carats there are in the engagement ring, how much money you will get, how many millions you will spend to buy a house, all of those things are unstable, the more important question you should be asking is, "Are you sure you can tolerate me?" If you really think about it, there are many more people, in addition to your spouse, that you must endure, such as the parents, siblings, and relatives from each side. These are people you cannot ignore, and you must endure any potential conflicts throughout your life. 3.4) We must endure defilements or kilesa, which means we must endure our own negative behaviors. Defilements are a dangerous disease of our mind that come attached to us since birth. As the disease advances, it The Warm Hearted Family 30 The Heart of the Family The Warm Hearted Family 31 The Heart of the Family