Building a Strong Marriage: Essential Factors for Success : หน้า 22/207

clash with each other, or for them not to clash with their in- laws. No matter what, there is always a chance that this can happen. The major concern is that, if the couple didn't learn how to regulate their emotions before their marriage, they would not be able to handle their disagreements in a positive manner, causing everyone in the family great distress in every sense of the word and disruption on a regular basis. They will not live a peaceful life. But if they had both trained themselves well before their marriage, no matter the degree of disagreement, they should be able to withhold their negative emotions and keep it from carrying over to the next day. The family environment will begin with a sense of calm and happiness. The couple will try to discard their bad behaviors and bring out the best in one another. An accepting and positive attitude towards each other will result, thus creating strong bonds within the family and increased prestige in society. Of course those who are able to control their emotions must have had training before marrying. Our grandparents encountered these issues throughout their lives. They established the following tenets regarding a marriage. Anyone who can no longer wait to marry must first achieve the following four factors in order to have a successful marriage. The 4 factors are: 1) Must be self-reliant. 2) Must know how to choose the right spouse. 3) Must have a marriage counselor. 4) Must know how to purify the mind. Our grandparents insist that anyone getting ready for marriage achieve these four important factors first, so that they can handle all the responsibilities that marriage will bring them. They will know what lies ahead and what the necessary knowledge, abilities, and virtues are to become the finest couple, the best daughter-in-law, the best son-in-law and the best parents for their children. Imparting this knowledge will enhance the couple's skills, ability and virtues so that their marriage unfolds as expected. The rest of this chapter will explain the rationale supporting each factor and why these four factors are necessary for a successful marriage. Expectations in Marriage Our grandparents told us the direct truth regarding the reason people get married, which is that they lack self- confidence; they are not sure if they can stand on their own two feet. When you lack confidence, you must have some The Warm Hearted Family How to Manage Family Life The Warm Hearted Family 43 How to Manage Family Life